In My Singleness

In my singleness there are so many roller coasters of emotions, I sometimes wonder whether I am coming or going.

In my singleness, I can make my own choices and my own mistakes without having someone there to ridicule me. In my singleness I can make my own choices and my own mistakes without having someone there to console me and help me make things right.

In my singleness I can pour all of the good things from my soul into my son without someone there trying to cast down what I am trying to build up.
In my singleness I worry if I am too much or not enough to help make him the man that he is to be in his future.

In my singleness I see so many men and women in relationships, not appreciating the other 1/2 of them that God so lovingly prepared and gift wrapped especially for them.

In my singleness I have learned that true love is not the kind that you desire to receive, but it is the love that you work so hard to give out everyday.

In my singlesness I have had to mourn for hopes, dreams and aspirations that I had long ago, and push them aside in order to survive.

In my singleness I have had to do things alone when I didn't want to, go places alone when I didn't want to and see things alone when I didn't want to.

In my singleness I have learned that I can do almost anything that I set my mind to.

In my singleness I have done and experienced things that I may never have had I not been single.

In my singleness I have been able to show my son what a strong, independent yet loving woman looks like. This way, he will have a better idea what to look for when he gets older.

In my singleness I have overcome some obstacles that even married couples have a hard time getting over.

In my singleness I am able to be used to help others more often since there are less distractions.

In my singleness I am able to identify the needs of those in distress, and give those (who need it), a wisdom that only comes from pain and suffering.

In my singleness I have been given the greatest gift that I may ever receive in my entire life.
The chance to get to know God in a deep way, to lean on Him, to KNOW Him because He has ALWAYS been there for me to go to in my despair and in my triumpth. I have learned that He has all power whether I am single or not. I have learned that singleness is just a state of mind. That my future has and will always be in His hand. That He knows what is best for me, even when I have no clue. And because of this.......

In my singlesness I now have PEACE....

Another Marked Year

So- Sunday marked another year that I spent without my mom here with me. She died on Tuesday, October 5th 1999. Ironically, she was born on a Tuesday- December 7, 1937. Yes, for those of you who don't know, I was born on her 37th birthday. She was getting ready to go out to dinner and ....... surprise. Many birthdays were spent together. When I was younger, I remember her giving me the parties, and as I got older I remember we loved to spend out bday dinner at Red Lobster.
She died of cancer. 2 years before we found out at the last minute that she had stomach cancer and within a week they removed her stomach. We thought all was fine. Her small intestines acted as her stomach and she was already small in frame as it was. They didn't even give her any follow up treatments. But the following year, we found out it had metastisized to her liver. A place of no return. She was a trooper though. Unless you were previously told, up until the end you would have never known that she had less than 6 months to live by the way her attitude was. She lived a full year after diagnosis.

I remember she after she got sick, she and I would watch the movie "Babe"- yeah the movie with the pig. I think we both got such a kick out of a little pig so cute and so small with so much to offer. A uniquw gift. At the end of the movie we always sang the closing credit song together..
"If I had words to make a day for you, I'd give you a morning golden and new
I would make this day last for all time, give you a night deep in moonshine".

Yes Mom, I believe that all my life I was singing that song to you. I tried as hard as I could to make your days as happy as I could. I carry your spirit, your tenacity, your charisma, your ability to forgive, your people- lovin- self with me now. I hope to pass it on to you grandson. Cheese and Eggs as you call him. He is just as loud and telling people things and trying to help just as you did. (getting on people's nerves in your loving way- telling them things that they don't want to hear, but need to hear)
Yes Mom- your legacy lives on. You were the best...
I anticipate the day when I will see you again, and we can laugh together......again.....
I love you.....